I’m only on page 40 of I Am A Genius of Unspeakable Evil and I Want to Be Your Class President , but it starts off with one of the great opening paragraphs of the year!
“Someday you will beg for the honor of licking my feet. You will get down on your stupid, worthless knees and be, “Please, sir! Please! Let me lick the diseased dog dung from between your toes.” (I will be standing barefoot in the dung of diseased dogs–just to make it grosser for you.) And if I am in a good mood and am not too disgusted by your stupid, wormy tears or your stupid, scrunched-up face, I will allow you the signal honor of licking my feet clean. Even though you don’t deserve it.”
Now, THAT, people is how you get a seventh grade boy to read the rest of your book!